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Hmmm, ever had something just come along and rock your world? Or more exactly someone? I met someone a while back, long time back. About 4 months ago. She rocked my world and then something happened and it got weird. WAY THE FUCK WEIRD. Now she's just written me to say "A little bird told me you may be interested in speaking to me again. Is this true?"At first I didn't know who it was. I have an ex back east that I haven't talked to in a year. And then there was Freya. Tall, beautiful, smart, mature... psycho. Ok, so I figured out to take the e-mail address and do a search on it. It's Freya, just what I need.
I have to get a hold of her friends and find out what the fuck is up. It has taken me a full 3 months to recover from that whole deal. I'm just now putting some action back into my life. I sent her a response that basically say's "I don't want to speak with out witnesses, that can be interpreted as interest." I don't know how I feel. Yes I do, I have 30 days of living to squeeze into the next 11 days.
Fuck it, I went out to coffee with Thor this evening and 3 hours just went flying by. Thor and I have known each other for about 10 + years now, and it was only in January that we ever talked about sex. Thor came out of the BDSM closet sometime last year and we have been having some conversations in the last 3 months like we've never had in the last 10 years.
Damn it, I just about had Freya out of my mind. Ok, so we met at a science fiction convention, fell head over heels in love. She's 15 years younger than me and seemed WAY mature for her age (no no, don't go there, she's legal, I just turned 35 ... oh wait, she's 14 years younger, cool). First fight happened about 3 days later, then another at 8 days. Then she got freaking cold at just short of the two week mark and I called it off on the 15th day. It was very fire and ice. She was totally hot, then she was totally cold. Mind you we have never had sex. This is the ONLY relationship that I have ever had where a relationship existed and no sex. Call me a pig, but I feel sex is too important to wait to find out compatibilities. Why waste your time with someone who you just don't klick with - why waste their time as well. My biggest problem is that I have never had the spark with anyone else the way I had a spark with her. I think I should thank every lucky star that I have that I do not have time in the next 2 weeks to do more than follow my schedule and maybe change my underwear.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you have to do to win in this world. I know I should be over joyed, I sometimes want to become "the greatest mistake she ever made" as in getting rid of me. I'm just not sure if I care enough. No, I just know that I'm confused and need to go to bed before I say things that are dumber than I've already written.