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Well, in theory, I go have coffee with Freya this afternoon. We will see where this goes, I will hopefully be able to hang back and find out what is going on in that mind of hers, and just maybe to find out what the fuck she thinks of me. She has said some conflicting things over the last couple of months. One is that she has problems getting me out of her head, and the other that she feels like I'm pressuring her. Plus the fact that she seems to not have a clue that I'm alive except when I'm right in front of her.Then there is the fact that she seems to have a new boyfriend, but that is only 2 weeks old too. So who the fuck knows. I do know that the woman brings out a VERY weird side of me. So either way I'll have a clue tonight - I *hope*.
Right now, I'm working on the first build of our new Y2K project. We've been working on this for a while, and if we can get it to the point where it will actually do the majority of the work on a single button click it will be WAY COOL.
Ok, so I have tons of reasons to just write Freya off and continue to look for "her" somewhere else. I think I went over those things I wanted in a partner before. The funny thing is that talking with Krystal this weekend, it's really easy to see how hypacritiacl I'm being.
To her I will say, "Dump the bastard, and don't look back. Yes he will probably turn in to a cool human being at some point in the future, but you are not the person to bring that out in him"
It's just so hard to follow that advice when it's applyed to you. I'm of two minds (as always) about the whole thing. It's not as if I need her, I felt something from her that I liked. Finding someone a little older than her would probably be a good thing too. I don't like to be an education snob, but someone with a piece of paper, even if it's just a two year degree, has demonstrated some level of ability in the area of red tape slashing. Freya has her high school diploma, which is at least one point in her favor. But I still have to go with the "self centered and insensitive" diagnosis.
On a side note, yesterdays shoot was fun and facinating. Krystal is worried that I'm going to get stuck up, or at least she said, "Now don't go getting stuck up on us." I don't know, I mean, if I get my body in to the shape I'm heading for, hell, I've never been stuck up before. Ok, I've been an elitist bastard, but not stuck up. Hmm, something for me to watch out for. How ever, I do like the idea of my job description is to going to the gym. I can see doing shoots becoming a job, but ya know, if I can pick up an extra 10, 20, or 50 K a year, for the next couple of years, that I can just throw into retirement or even replace my income so that I can go back to school, well hell where is the problem? Now mind you, actually making GOOD money is probably going to be 40 pounds from now.
But this is hitting at the exact right time in my life. I'm not sure what the rules are for doing film in Europe but I would prefer to be legal, if you know what I mean. The whole concept of violating a work visa would suck. So, I go see Freya this evening and then hit the gym again. Oh, and we have another shoot in two weeks.
My only concern is that I need to sign a contract with the company and I really want to make sure that if I decide to go to Europe that I can get out of the contract. I mean, ok, what is the lifetime of a film like the ones I'm looking at doing? Well, in one sense it's forever. On the other hand, amature porn is a dime a dozen. So if I can make a 5 grand off of each film over the course of the next couple of years, that would be way cool. If I can make 50 films that would be 250 grand - hmmm, that might be a little high. Oh well who cares, when you put something out to the universe, it will come back to you sooner or later. I have wanted to do this for many years. I was going to go looking for it when I hit 190 or so. I'm 25 pounds early. Just as long as I don't become hedge hog. Course, what is wrong with that, the man is interesting, cool and doesn't let bull shit stop him.