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Do I really want to start an on-line journal? Probably not, sooner or later the people in the office will come across this and I will have to deal with it. But at the same time, is it really such a big deal if "people found out"? Probably not. I'm going to keep this somewhat annonamous for the time being. I live and work in Portland Oregon (That's pronounced Ory-Gun for those of you on the east coast). I'm a computer programmer, a Total Annihilation junkie, Single, just about 35, wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life.This all started when my friend Thor told me about the journal of a new york stripper. I went to yahoo and checked it out, one search and I was there.
I'm going to have to write a journal front end. It will be cool and fun. I've been wanting to learn active server pages for a long time and what better way to learn it than to have a program to write.
It needs to save a text file with the name YYYYMMMDD.txt as in 1999Feb12.txt. It should allow me to write things in any way I feel like and then substitute different things for the .html version. Brianna on her pages has all money amounts as $____. I could set some thing up so that if I wanted to, I could put a flag in that would change names. Like my room mate Rod, and the fact that I still can't get Freya out of my mind. I can see a lot of time being spent on the whole thing with Freya.
Why do I find myself thinking about her. She flipped out on me, and if she really does not want to ever see me again I guess that's ok. But damn it, I fell in love with this woman, and my question is, "why?". Why her, what was it that I saw. Was it really because she was beautiful and that was all that I was seeing, or what. And why couldn't I have been able to just kick back and let her have her own time.
two rule for dealing with me.
1) never stand me up 2) never say, "I'm not sure if I'm with you because I want to be with you, or if I just want to be with some one."
there are some clarifications
Point 1) Standing me up: family is family, emergencies are emergencies, call me as soon as you can and it's no big deal. This is such a case by case thing. I've got some abandonment issues, and being stood up makes me fucking crazy.
Point 2) This is the "Am I good enough" thing coming to the front. When Karise said it, I was gone with in 3 hours (god that was a wierd night). When Freya said it, I was gone with in 3 days. My feeling is that the jury is out determining my fate. My feelings on the subject tend to run on these lines, "tell you what, how about I go away, and you tell me how it turned out."
G'lord, I am one messed up pup.
Went out with Shelly for her "I'm leaving my job for a better one" party and ended up getting stoned with some of her new co-workers. I need to remember that I should not get stoned unless I'm going to be going to bed with someone "soonish"
ok, who at work would ever see this? Oakland's wife might, that would suck, I know that I'm going to go off on Oakland sometime sooner or later. I work in such a conservative office. I really don't care if they find out about my piercing. But at the same time I do care.
These ramblings have to stop. It's after midnight.